Starry Nights

So it's Christmas time. This has always been my favorite holiday. When I was little, we had a Christmas Eve tradition that I am sure many people share; my mom would drive us (my sister, twin bro, and me) around town and out of town to look at all the lights and decorations. The last house of the night we looked at was the same every year, kind of the grand finale. I forgot where that house is, but it was this huge mansion (or perhaps just grand according to my small perspective) embellished and practically hidden within soft golden lights. There was a carefully placed nativity scene amidst the trees and a transparent Santa, waving hello, with his reindeer and sleigh on the roof. And this wasn't just a flimsy plastic decoration glued to the shingles, they were made entirely out of lights. It must have cost a fortune to set up, let alone to pay the resulting electricity bill; but I am so very thankful to the residents for making their home such a spectacle. It was faithfully beautiful, each year. Afterwards, we would come home, lay our tiny bodies under the tree and look up at the twinkling lights through the branches. We'd rattle gifts while our mom put on Christmas music. And I remember distinctively, one Christmas I definitely heard bells outside my window in the middle of the night. Until this day, I can't quite explain it. And of course, we'd wake up whispering "Happy Birthday" to Jesus and thanking him for giving us all his gifts, haha.

I do love Christmas time. Last year was one of the best Christmases I've ever had. Eddie was back from training and we had a cabin for a few days in Big Bear. I love the mountain towns during winter. The skies are so clear and the stars are so condensed and sugary and seem to just blend with the white Christmas lights and bright powdery snow that extends straight down from the sky, along the lean bodies of the trees and to the ground. Everything is just so starry and dreamy. And then it rains every so often and just seems to melt things together even more. That was last Christmas for us. But this year, I'm not feeling it so much. I can't help but feel utterly distracted from the cheer and excitement and starriness. For obvious reasons. Well, I wonder what traditions Eddie and I will establish in our marriage and for our future family. I kind of like the cabin thing, haha. So, when you read this, please note that I think we should get up to the mountains for a few days every Christmas. :) But as for this Christmas, I just can't wait until it's over; just another month closer to Eddie's homecoming. This Christmas won't be quite as white as it will be pale. Ha, jk. But I'm not a total scrooge. I did bake Christmas cookies today. They don't look that scrumptious though; maybe it's because of that misplaced cheer and excitement and starriness..