Wow, so I haven't written a new post since I was 23 weeks. I am now 31 weeks! Yay, 9 weeks until I get to hold my sweet baby girl in my arms! I can tell you, it's hard for me to sit and write for a long time on my laptop like I usually do, because my back starts to hurt. Yes, pregnancy does a body good.. Haha. Since entering the 3rd and FINAL trimester, I have found that the fatigue which gripped me in the first trimester has returned. Although, it is more intense this time around. Morning sickness was my biggest complaint in the 1st trimester. This trimester, it's the fatigue and back pain. I know a lot of women claim that the 2nd trimester was their favorite stage of pregnancy, but I have to say, this trimester has been my favorite so far. Yes, physical discomfort never seems to cease, I wake up about five times a night, I get constant remarks from annoying strangers (mainly men) about how my due date must have been yesterday because I am huge (thanks, folks), I am clumsy and forgetful (pregnancy brain is real!), my back always hurts (my back feels like a Q-tip with weights attached to the front), etc. However, I am finally in the single digits with my countdown to meeting my daughter! And I get to feel her practice her tendus and grande battements (yes, she is going to be a ballet dancer like her mommy...if she wants). I love putting my hand over her little feet as they move underneath my belly in little waves. I love feeling her little head and fingers at my lower tummy and her little booty scoot below my ribs when I sit up. I already knew her position but it was confirmed to me when we went to get a 3D/4D ultrasound done and actually got a sneak peak at our beautiful little girl. At one point she was wriggling her little fingers and I could actually feel them as we watched this on the screen. It was awesome. :)
I'm also happy that mostly all of the routine prenatal tests are finished and behind me. Particularly the glucose screening at 28 weeks. I don't know why, but I was dreading that test for a while. It wasn't as bad as people say, though. I had to drink a cold, orange drink that tasted like flat soda that has been sitting around in the hot sun for several days and then, subsequently, refrigerated. It was like a buttload of orange sugar (like my beautiful simile?) The only side effects were that I was initially a little woozy. I don't know if this was because I was nervous or because it was like downing a buttload of sugar. But that feeling subsided and I went to the hematology lab an hour later to get my blood drawn. They even gave me an orange camouflage bandage, considering I'm an Army wife and my baby is an Army baby (hate the term "brat"). I actually was eyeing the pink bandage, but it's fine.. I'm in a Centering Pregnancy group and my providers are really responsive, which I appreciate so much. So, I actually got my results back within 2 hours. I passed! Needless to say, I celebrated with ice cream. Hey, calcium is in ice cream. :) But for anyone else who is fretting about that test, don't stress. I know I'm partially hypocritical for advising other pregnant moms not to dwell, worry or stress about anything, but I know it's not necessary. I have no excuse because my God has instructed me not to be anxious about anything! Yes, Lord! But really, the test is no biggy. :)
Probably the biggest thing on my mommy mind right now is whether or not I am going to get an epidural during labor. I had never given it much thought. I figured I would just get one. I mean, that is the general consensus when it comes to routine labor now, right? But now that I am closer to my due date, I have been shifting my focus to that special day. What will be on my birth plan, for one thing. Yes, I am going to do one of those because I want to at least have reasonable control over what goes on during that day, as well as who is going to be involved. Sorry, but I am not going to be a class spectacle, surrounded by observing medical students and interns on the day of my daughter's introduction to the world.
On a related side note, I have gotten a lot of comments from people, telling me that I won't actually care who is there in that moment, because it won't matter to me with so much going on. Assuredly, I can tell you, it will. Those who have made that comment obviously don't know me very well. Hahah. But of course, unsolicited advice and opinions from strangers and acquaintances are, unfortunately, an inevitable effect of being pregnant. :/ It really bothers me when people offer unwarranted and opinionated commentary on how I will handle my pregnancy, my labor and my first year as a mother. I love getting positive advice and hearing about what worked for you/what didn't, but I don't particularly like when it turns into "You WILL end up doing this..."; "You WILL change your mind about..."; "You WON'T care about your privacy, your dignity, your previous stances on... etc., etc." I really think women need to respect each other and acknowledge the fact that we have different approaches, with various personalities and preferences when it comes to this experience, and especially, the privacy of it. Now of course, it's worth noting that most women who say things like this have no malicious intent and are not trying to be offensive, but it does become as bothersome as the "Wow, you're huge!" comments I tend to get while standing in line at the supermarket (Did I just say "supermarket" instead of "grocery store"?). We should skip the petty and complacent discussions, and instead, encourage each other, bonding over the fact that we are growing/have grown sweet little babies in our wombs! :D Anyway, as usual, I digress, probably because I was venting a minor frustration, which of course, balloons into a massive frustration due to pregnancy. :)
So, getting back on topic, I have been focusing on my birth plan and also, the question of whether or not I want to opt for a natural birth without pain medication. I have prayed about it, because ya, it's a little frightening to think about it. I have prayed for the confidence and assurance to do it and to actually make up my mind and commit to it. My husband is completely supportive of whatever I decide, but it's been a difficult decision to solidify because I don't have a lot of friends who have chosen that route and can offer support or advice. Most of my friends are urging me to just get the epidural. However, two of my friends have had natural births and are enthusiastically encouraging me. I really want to accomplish this and do it. I don't want to over-think or overcomplicate it, as I tend to do, but I do want to be thoroughly prepared. How do I find the medium between over-thinking and being thoroughly prepared? I have exactly 2 months until it's go-time. I don't want to psyche myself out by researching the minute details of what exactly happens to your body during this process, but I don't want to diminish the intensity of the experience, either. Can't I be blissfully ignorant? I mean, isn't it kind of like when a little kid falls down and skins his knee; he doesn't start crying, even though he feels pain, until he sees the gaping, bloody, vicious wound throbbing on his leg. So maybe I should just keep myself a little naive. I don't know... I'm tired and words are falling out of my brain and onto this post in a stream of consciousness and it's starting to look like a bowl of alphabet soup to me. See, I'm over-thinking it. Ok, bottom line: I know I am capable of doing it. Our bodies were designed by the Lord to perform and endure labor and women have been doing it naturally since the beginning of time. Bam!
The difficult thing is making a conscious decision to refuse pain medication that lingers, alluringly in front of my face; it's like walking through a desert with a sparkling stream flowing right beside you and refusing to quench your thirst. Maybe it's nothing like that. But Jesus fasted for 40 days and 40 nights, and he could've turned that stone into bread at any moment. And he endured the cross, even though he could have gotten down at any moment. Love kept Him on that cross, and his commitment to rescuing us. Obviously these are extreme parallels, and something as natural as childbirth pales in comparison to everything that Jesus did. But maybe the act of commitment, enforced by the power of a motivating factor can be a way of looking at natural childbirth. Jesus always demonstrated motivated commitment through the constant suffering He endured for us (we were his motivation). And we demonstrate motivated commitment through the act of denying oneself, which the Bible instructs us to do, to deny our flesh on a daily basis (our motivation is Him). Pregnancy and motherhood is a constant illustration of motivated commitment, too (our motivation being our children).So maybe if I go through with this, I will be practicing commitment, endurance and perseverance. And don't we practice that anytime we are traversing through a desert and resisting the urge to gulp down the adjacent stream, for whatever reason? Our entire lives with Christ, we are running a race, the finish line being Jesus's outstretched arms that embrace us the moment after we breathe our last breath. The Holy Spirit is always running along side of us, handing us cups of water when we thirst and blowing a breeze over us when we are overheating. He gives us strength when we need it, so this won't be any different. Maybe my focus has been in the wrong place; I have been relying on my own efforts to allow me to accomplish this goal, when I should be relying on the Lord.
Many women who choose this route do not need a huge blog post to encourage themselves, but see, I do not like pain and I am ambivalent about this decision. I cannot do it without the support of my husband and the strength of my Jesus. But each day, I am gaining more confidence and the Lord is shedding light to reveal those around me who've been through it. One of my friends told me you feel like a total beast afterward! Haha. I want to reach beast mode!! My plan is to have worship music and prayer infiltrating my birthing atmosphere and let my focus be on the Holy Spirit. I envision myself drawing strength from Him like water from a well. That will be my motivation. Maybe it's just that simple.
Psalm 127:3- "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward."
