Labor and Birth: Part 2 (The Horizontal Line)

So, now I was in the labor room. And to make a long, long story short.. I did end up having crazy contractions, which they called cluster contractions. This type didn't give me much of a break. Nothing prepared me for the intensity. Not the little exercises in the birthing classes, like grasping ice in our hands for an entire minute. Not the millions of books I read. Not vicarious encounters. Nothing.

I watched the machine as it recorded my contractions and spit out the thin paper. They no longer looked like a row of mountains, but like ubiquitous plateaus. That flat, horizontal line scratched across the page. Like a desert. I felt like I was walking it. Dragging my feet in the sand as the sun pelted down its rays on me. And my belly was pulling me down, wanting to drop like rain and rest below me. My belly was shapeshifting. Stiffening, tightening, curling up into a ball before expanding like an exploding star. That flat, horizontal line which illustrated the peak and plateau of my contractions. I was tightrope walking on it. My belly kept me centered, prevented me from falling off. I held my breath as the pain pulsed and  then I let it go. I walked that thin, seemingly eternal tightrope line. And I looked down and saw clouds. And below the clouds, seemingly eternal desert plain. And I carried the raine.

And just as I thought I would fall off the last plateau..jump off like a diver off a cliff. Crash, face first into quiet sea foam, below. Let the cool blue and quiet grey absorb me. I felt the arms that always catch me, heal me, help me, protect me, deliver me. Deliver her. His face and smile. Warm breeze. Cool mist. Reassurance.

There were some complications. Nothing major. But I ended up with a fever during labor. Hence, the desert sun.. So, they had to administer precautionary antibiotics to me and the baby. But she was fine. Perfectly and perfect.

When I first saw her. She was violetpink. She was the most beautiful child, person, single-living thing, I had ever laid eyes on. And when they laid her on my chest. And for the first time, her blue gem eyes locked onto my tired eyes. And she stopped crying. And I knew this is my Raine. This is my daughter. And I am her mother. I traversed the desert, that horizontal line. And He offered me a cool drink.


Fevered
Sun pelted down
Crawling on hands
And knees in the desert
plain
stretching
Plateau
Until
I held

my breath
When I saw
You
and
Waited for your breath
To first begin

You
Violet
Pink and grey
Tiny
And now I
Think and say
That moment defined
This current smile
That flickers and illuminates
My face
Everlasting love

I held you
for a long while
And your crying
quelled
By our
forever bond
Your squinting eyes
Trying to focus in
On this
Thing
This wayward world
I focus in on
You

You are
my Raine
Adorned
pearled
Gentle hands
And gently falling from the clouds
Dazzling
drops
Dripping
seeping through heaven's
Winding white sheets